Love Over Hate — tamara white

I love you. I miss you. I forgive you. Please forgive me. These are the words in the closing paragraphs of the Lambda Literary Award-winner Army of Lovers by K.M. Soehnlein, a dear friend who has written a beautiful narrative between characters I didn’t want to part from. I laughed. I cried. But mostly, the world he’s created made my heart ache. Focused on the early days of the AIDS crisis in New York City, Soehnlein gives us the raw reality of what many people endured and survived. And those who were victims of the homophobic and discriminatory inaction by our government. Armistead Maupin describes the book as “a sprawling portrait of our darkest days, capturing all the anger, heartbreak, and heroic love that forged who we are today. If you want to know how it felt, read this.”

Despite its setting in the 80s, the rawness of the challenge faced within the gay community felt contemporary. Perhaps this is due to the recent stabbing of O’Shae Sibley, a beautiful and vibrant dancer killed for his joyful dancing at a Brooklyn Gas Station. Or maybe it’s because the Supreme Court continues to turn the clock backward as they throw the LGBTQ+ community onto a vulnerable legal playing field by supporting conservative and religious groups who discriminate. Or maybe it’s simply because our world seems to be going fucking mad. A man who has been indicted three times and thinks he can grab women by the pussy or shoot someone on Fifth Avenue without consequences is the running GOP candidate. Women are being forced into parenthood. Gay rights are precarious, at best.

As much of a cliche as it is to admit, Army of Lovers also made my heart hurt because there are people in my life that would have, might have, been impacted by the brutal and unforgiving virus that erased hundreds of thousands of people. When all I can see is beauty, love, creativity, joy, and honesty in living an authentic life. My world is better because of “this” community. The world is a better place for each and every one of them, yet there is no “this.” There is only humanity, dignity, and grace in accepting each as we are. I know I am tired of the political unrest and hateful rhetoric, so it is unfathomable to me what communities constantly fighting for equality, safety, and justice must feel.

Time continues to move forward, despite the Supreme Court, yet things are not improving. Hate crimes in the United States have been on the rise since 2014. In 2021, the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) reported the highest number since it began collecting data in the 1990s. These are numbers based on reported incidents, so how many more are we unaware of? Something is incredibly off balance when drag queens reading to children are deemed more dangerous than a woman’s autonomy or sensical gun control laws.

I encourage you to read K.M. Soehnlein’s honest portrayal of the world that once existed and continues to linger today. I encourage you to stop and consider what microcosm we are swimming in that allows a beautiful soul full of smiles and dance to be brutally murdered for the words, “Yeah, we’re gay, but we’re just celebrating my brother’s birthday.”

We can and should be doing better than this.

-trw